Hick..

Here I am again, at 209am typing on my blog. You normally do things like this when you can't sleep, and god, I just took a spoonful of cough mixture and guess what.. no effect..#@%$^$#. So, guess what. Since I took the effort to type this for your leisure (minus the fact that I am having insomnia), you should not complain that I wasted another 5 minutes (10 or maybe 20 for slower readers) of your life. Either way, you have time to kill, so just read whatever I type.
In just six months, I lost close friends, tea buddies, people to laugh and joke with, people who did things for me because they wanted to and not because it was part of their jobs. What I got in return, was a few peoples careers on my hand, a load of responsibility, a kind boss who has given me some trust, a phone that pains me once a month, tons of reports to clear, a lot more site work to do, and a fear of voicing my opinions, bearing that nobody would listen and things are driven like we were in the military. I used to feel that life was simpler, when frustrations often led to tea breaks, and company was somehow always available. But now, things are more focused. I know more what I am supposed to do. But lost the motivation to do anything more. I look around me once in a while, and I notice a lot of people with similar expressions as me. An expression of lethargy, tiredness and demotivation. Somehow, I just think that this could have something to do with a pandemic virus, rather than the fact that the entire organisation is unhappy. So, no one is appreciated for the work they do. So, anyone can be thrown around anytime, or put anywhere anytime, and not feel that they have been put in a bad position to start all over again, without nothing at all to support them. So bosses make empty promises all the time and can live with it. If people become demotivated, they can always leave, and we can always re-hire. But no one, just no one at all, realises that this is a sickness. One that cannot be cured just by replacing headcounts. Nothing will change, if things remain the way they were.
I just feel sad that I have not moved on. That I am one of the diseased, or perhaps even one of the terminal patients of this disease.