What just happened??

Finally got a short break. After a grueling day at a forum giving a presentation, I finally went home, had dinner, finished up some house chores, and just sat there in front of the pc listening to some kpop ballads, like pak hyo shin's wildflower and nilo's come along. Suddenly feel a wave of tiredness, with the many things happening everyday, one coming after another. It just feels weird, like there are so many problems everyday, so many people getting sick, getting pained, getting down and out. And every time you try to do something for someone, and even after you've done what you had wanted to for that person, the next person comes along with another problem. Then I look at myself and start wondering. Why had all my own problems seemed so trivial, while I always prioritised problems others had that always meant so much more. Why do people look for me when only when they need help and not when they are happy or have something to share? Why did I not have to solve other peoples problems when I was much younger? And that I only had to be responsible for my own time and happiness? How did I get so messed up that I needed to always try to make others lives better? I really don't know.

I just had a session of conversation, where someone sort of interviewed me. And I just spoke about what I really believed in and how I run my life through my beliefs. Everyone else seemed to find something out of what I said, and came over to tell me that they were motivated somehow. You'd think I am blowing my horn and seeking bragging rights, that I would feel gratified or elated that I made people think differently because of me. But instead, I guess I started questioning if what I'm doing is really right, and whether the advise I had given would make people's lives worse instead of better. Sometimes, doing things without procrastinating, completing things so that others don't have to do it, and believing that any problem you face is trivial, may all sound like great advice. But is there a point where you would burn out and be overtaken by lethargy? That you don't have the strength to think of what you need to do tomorrow, and that you just want to sit there and do nothing and just let the day end. Well, this is perhaps just one of those days.

And when that time comes, you finally had the time to put your last bit of energy to just complain on your own blog, which you had neglected for ages. Oh well, after all, no one reads the crap I write here anymore. And then just sit back and relax and not think of anything at all, listen to music, and then when you're too tired, finally just doze off and go to sleep.